Come Together - Summary and Key Ideas

Come Together explores the science and art of maintaining a lasting sexual connection in long-term relationships. Drawing from personal experiences and academic research, the book offers practical tools and guidance for achieving great sex and navigating common relationship challenges.

This book is aimed at individuals in long-term relationships who seek a deeper understanding of how to build and sustain sexual connections over time. It also appeals to those wanting to prepare for future relationships by learning how to nurture lasting intimacy and pleasure.

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Come Together

Key ideas

01

Emily Nagoski's book offers tools for sustaining sexual connections in relationships.

02

Understanding desires and contexts enhances sex, bolstering pleasure and connection.

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03

Measure sexual wellbeing by shared pleasure, not spontaneous desire, for longevity.

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04

Mapping emotional spaces helps navigate between pleasure and adversity beneficially.

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05

Understanding each other's emotional floorplans helps couples cooperate, rather than blame each other for desire struggles.

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06

Sex positivity embraces confidence, joy, and the ongoing healing cycle.

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07

Admiration and trust are vital for enduring, deep relationships.

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08

With calm, warm curiosity about our changing bodies and experiences, we can adapt and find new ways to give and receive pleasure.

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09

Nurture gradual relationship growth; empathize, heal gently, and always choose love.

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10

Sex imperatives impose restrictive standards, limiting authentic sexual expression and pleasure.

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11

Authenticity dismantles gender norms, enabling true self-discovery and connection.

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12

Recognize rigid gender roles as the enemy, not your partner.

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Summary & Review

Final Summary: Come Together by Emily Nagoski provides a comprehensive look at how to create and sustain a lasting sexual connection in long-term relationships.

Emily Nagoski

Emily Nagoski is a New York Times bestselling, award-winning author with an MS in counseling and a PhD in health behavior from Indiana University. She combines sex education and stress education to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She resides in Massachusetts with her pets and a cartoonist.

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